


Could it be Your Life Means Nothing at All???

by ThePoetess



Category: Les Miserables, Pablo Neruda Poetry
Genre: Anger, Death, Friendship, Heartache, Hope, Love ❤️, Multi, Other, Pain, Sadness, Youth, fight, wild youth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 08:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePoetess/pseuds/ThePoetess
Summary: A Bahorel Appreciation Week (1-7 of October) fan fic centering on his relationships with the other Amis





	1. Can it be I'm Losing My Best Friend!?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ness (the Bahorel to my Feuilly - happy Bahorel Appreciation Week Mon Ami! ❤️)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ness+%28the+Bahorel+to+my+Feuilly+-+happy+Bahorel+Appreciation+Week+Mon+Ami%21+%E2%9D%A4%EF%B8%8F%29).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I found this picture of Bahorel and Feuilly (Bahorel's the one cradling Feuilly) 
> 
> And the caption was 'Could your death mean nothing at all?' And so for BAHOREL APPRECIATION WEEK I wrote this

"Ba-z?" The red head choked on his blood as he lay in the strong and secure, slightly shaking arms of his best friend Antoine Bahorel, where he felt safe. Bahorel nodded softly and gently combed through the others soft hair "Yeh F-Fee?" He only saw a multitude of red as he glanced down at his friend's bleached white by pain face, the red hair - the off crimson blood staining the red and white shirt - he just saw red - Feuilly strained to take Bahorel's hand as Bahorel set it over the stomach wound Feuilly had sustained while trying to get out of the Protest which had failed "Aghhhh, I f-ing love this shirt- I's my favor-ite- you got it for me -" Bahorel shook his head - unbelievable- Fee was crying over a ruined shirt? Shit- "I'll get you a new one-" Bahorel whispered softly "Just hang on? No need to buy a dead guy a new shirt eghhh?" Feuilly smiled up at him and shook his head "no - no reason at all- I I thi-nk B-az - thi--s protest wen-t terri-b-ly wrong -" the red head whispered softly as he gave a soft and pained genuine smile as Bahorel cradled his shaking form to him and shook his head frantically as Feuilly lay still in his arms "No - Fee - no don't- don't you fucking dare lea-leave me- jus- just hold on??? Hol-d on?" " 'Rel?" Bahorel shook his head and silenced Feuilly gently by cutting across his words "Don't don't talk - you're gonna make it you dummy - you got to - just just hold on for me yeh?" Feuilly shook his head softly and whispered through clenched teeth "I think you mi-ght n-eed to c-carry me - I don't thi-nk I can st-stand any-more-" Feuilly's grey eyes had started to close and Bahorel shook his head frantically and repeated no over and over pleadingly "SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!!!! COMBEFERRE!!!! WE NEED YOU NOW!!!!!! JOLY!!!? Jus-t hold on Fee? Just jus-t hol-d on?" Not a answer could be heard, Bahorel cradled his friend - his Feuilly to him and started to cry bitter tears that washed away the blood from his handsome face- " - I'm losing hi-m - my best friend - I'm losing him -" the words ached in his brain dull against everything else and he staggered to his shaking feet with Feuilly hanging limply and pressed to his chest in his arms, he ran as fast as he could towards the nearest hospital he could find. 

"You you asshole - why'd you have to do that huh? Why? Why'd you have to do it huh? That's what you get for being a hero kid - a goddamn fucking hero - why'd ya do it - jus-t hold on- hold on -"

Feuilly lay slack in his arms and spoke not a whisper as he was carried towards the nearest hospital (Not ten blocks away and crowded with innocent victims of the Protest gone terribly wrong-) by a barely hanging onto sanity Antoine Bahorel who looked down at his best friend with fear and worry etched into the lines of his face.  
"Hold on F-ee- Feuilly goddamn you, goddamn it just hold on - I've got ya - I've I've got you - just hold on? Hold o-n? Just hold on for me?"


	2. The Beginning of a Beautiful Little Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life Prior to the failed Protest.
> 
> Thirteen days before the Protest. 
> 
> May 24, 2018

Francoise Feuilly still clad in pajamas (which was in and of itself an altogether rare and strange sight, because he usually was up and fully dressed before Bahorel) was busily bustling about as he worked himself into mess of a nervous wreck as he accidentally burnt the French toast he was making for a surprise for Bahorel who had come in late last night and fallen asleep almost instantly as they had watched the Avengers.

"Kurwa! No no no - why? I've got the best cook for a roommate and I can't even cook damn toast and bacon! No- I ju- aghhhhhhh! No!" The pan on the stove burst with small flames and he cursed in Polish as the fire alarm went off and he got the box of baking soda for the flames "God - I just wanted a nice good morning breakfast for my best friend and now I'm burning down the apartment - just great - BAZ!!!? I NEED YOU To GET UP!? EVERYTHING'S FINE BUT - COULD YOU BRING THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!?" He dumped a heap of baking soda onto the fire in the pan then he leaned against the counter and frowned at the now fire free pan and the burnt bacon therein "Kurwa" he slapped his forehead then hid his face as Bahorel ran into the kitchen fearing that Feuilly had hurt himself! "Feu- Fee? What's burning man?" Feuilly was now standing on a chair and trying to reset the fire alarm while yelling in anguish and embarrassment "There's no fire anymore! There's no fire! Shut up! Kurwa!" His fingers couldn't reach even at his height

Bahorel looked at him with a teasing smile "Burning down the apartment again Fee? You know there are other ways to wake me up - like just knocking on my door or something normal," Feuilly cursed at him "We aren't exactly normal - in any sense of the word - help me you ass- I can't reach this and I'm getting a headache!" Bahorel nodded and conceded as he almost gracefully stood on the chair and pressed the fire alarm off - "You could've just asked -" he smirked teasingly then winked and Feuilly scowled back at him "Ba-z I am not interested in your games today -" a smile arced over his face and he laughed "well - breakfasts ruined -" Bahorel jumped down and looked up at Feuilly "How many times have I told you to leave our temperamental friend the stove alone?" Feuilly bit his lip with annoyance "Once- twice, too many times to count-" Bahorel nodded, point made "Exactly- my point Fee - now let me make breakfast," he extended his hand out to Feuilly as he bustled over to the stove "Now - I'll need four eggs, cheese, bacon, onions, potatoes, and a cup of coffee- thank you very much." After that Feuilly handed him the ingredients then placed a cup of coffee in his outstretched hand and stated in a snarky teasing voice "I'm not your goddamn errand boy Baz- you jerk, get your own coffee" Bahorel shrugged "I'm making you breakfast - least you can do is help a little -" they both smiled at each other knowing that Bahorel didn't mind making breakfast and that Feuilly didn't mind getting Bahorel some coffee either, Bahorel laughed and started heating the pan to the right temperature before he then unceremoniously shepherded Feuilly towards the shower and swatted him into the bathroom "Get in that shower before I throw your scrawny ass in myself," Feuilly just did a comic sigh and gave Bahorel a cheeky smile "By all means please do?" He closed the door and Bahorel went back to the kitchen, when Feuilly came out dressed and rubbing a towel over his hair breakfast was on the table in the breakfast nook and Bahorel was making a second pot of coffee 

Feuilly was about to sit down and eat when he jumped up and yelled a profanity in Polish "I'm late for work!!!" Tugging on his beat up Converse he hopped out the door "Bye Baz!" and with that he slammed the door behind him - he then hopped back in and quickly attacked his delicious mouth watering omelette Bahorel had made then he quickly smacked a kiss on Bahorel's cheek and ran out the door yelling over his shoulder as he slurped down a cup of coffee "Bye Ba-z - thanks for the food! Love ya!"


	3. Life in the Palm of Your Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath of the Protest - 
> 
> June 6, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm really angsty right now so decided to make a really sad chapter so here we go

Bahorel staggered into the crowds of men and women, hospital goers as he rocketed into the cold hospital E.R. and met a seething yet unwounded Enjolras, the others and a worried Combeferre in full Mother Hen mode in the lobby, he was talking to Joly who was bent grimly down next to a barely in the right mind Jehan - he seemed paralyzed by the unknown "Hel-p! Please!" Bahorel shot out at Combeferre through tears he didn't wipe away as he forced Feuilly into Combeferre's arms "I-it's Fee -" he choked out as a stunned Combeferre stood there with a limp Feuilly in his arms- it was Joly that sprang to action - Joly sprang up from comforting Jehan and came to Bahorel's side "Bossuet and R are injured too - lemme take Fee? Bahorel? Bahorel - Baz don't don't squeeze him too tight - let 'Ferre take him? Easy there shhhhhhh, it's okay - easy - 'Chetta? Take Bahorel and look after him for me okay? I'm gonna help 'Ferre- wi-th F-ee-" he rushed after Combeferre and Bahorel looked after them with a blank stare and numb shock shutting any other emotions down - the phantom presence of Feuilly's light body still felt in his shaking arms.

A tired Musichetta wrapped a arm over his shoulder but he barely felt it, hardly moved and just stared down the hall towards where the three men had disappeared "Bah-orel love? Antoine? Come - all we can do now is wait now- F-Feuilly will be- ok-ay -" if know one else or anything else could shake Jehan so from his blank thoughts it was Bahorel's appearance with Feuilly that could, Jehan stood up and walked over to Bahorel - throwing his arms around the larger man he hugged him tightly. Bahorel felt tears fall to his shirt and realized through a haze of pain that Jehan was crying too.

He let Courfeyrac and Musichetta steer him into a uncomfortable hospital chair and Jehan followed him, sitting down without his usual grace and tucking his knees up to his chest, the jaunty flowers on his temple broken and slowly losing petals as they'd been torn apart when they had fled the protest. 

Courfeyrac gave a silent grimace towards Bahorel and fell into the chair before him - Enjolras who had up until this point been pacing the dreary halls sat on Bahorel's other side and the others quickly joined them in a semi circle of crook backed hospital chairs. 

Now and then a choking sob escaped Bahorel or Jehan and Enjolras would nervously try and comfort Bahorel by rubbing his shoulder, a couple whispered apologies passed through Bahorel's lips and his constricted chest.

Know-one spoke much over the hours they waited - good news had come about Bossuet - he'd only tripped and would have a bruise for it - 

Grantaire had come out swinging of the protest, protecting his boyfriend with fists as they had struggled to get out of the chaos - he'd taken a few hits and didn't look good but he'd mend - he'd since put up a fight and had been discharged - he was now curled up in Enjolras's arms as they tried to share a cramped hospital seat - 

Feuilly was the only one that had taken too many hits and had been seriously injured - the others had injuries (Small cuts - abrasions - Eponine's left arm was a map of bruises and Gavroche was wearing a bloody nose proudly while Courf mother henned and fawned over him) but Feuilly had been really hurt - Bahorel sat there in the crowded silence and let tears fall anew over his bruised and battered face, it was then that Joly made his appearance, looking haggard and worn and just a bit guilty - tears hanging on his face like badges of pain - he shook his head at Enjolras. 


	4. Little by Little

Bahorel didn't understand -  
"Wha- well wha-t do you mean by - he's going to be okay right? He's gonna get better? He's gotta be okay - right? Jolllly he's he's- no - F-e-e - Fee, Feuilly - no - Joly???" Joly who was leaned over and holding Bahorel's shoulder tightly felt tears prick the corners of his tired green eyes "He's he's with Combeferre right now - he's he's dea-" no not Feuilly - never dea-d - not their Feuilly - not their Fee - Joly stood up far too quickly and shook his head unbelievingly and very uncharacteristically slammed his clenched fist into the wall as he let the tears go, letting them coarse down his face with the pent up anger and emotions of earlier - Combeferre made a appearance and went straight to Enjolras who was still and almost cradling Grantaire in his arms " 'F-Ferre?" Enjolras muttered softly and looked through dark tear stained eyes at Combeferre with his slapdash ruffled appearance and tight lipped glass eyed stare - Enjolras cleared his throat and spoke the words shakily "I-S it true? - Feuilly?" Combeferre had hot tears running down his face and he reluctantly nodded, Courfeyrac, his boyfriend of a couple months caught him and held him close - Feuilly had always been special to Combeferre and- there was no restraint anymore and calm collected Combeferre completely deteriorated before everyone's eyes just as usually un-violent Joly had slammed his now bruised fist into the E.R. wall. 

Seeing usually restrained Combeferre break down completely broke all restraint Bahorel had and he wept in howling terrible cries as the words Joly, the poor messenger, had spoke sunk in. 

Feuilly- their beautiful, kind, caring Fee was - he let out a cry of pain and Jehan latched his arms around Bahorel and hugged him and cried as well.


	5. Memories of the Amis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twelve days till the Protest/The E.R. 
> 
> In a galaxy far far away with little to no trouble and strife - May 25, 2018 
> 
> In a galaxy with too much pain and a lot of strife - June 7, 2018 - the E.R.

"I'll always take care of you Fee - you'd be fucking lost without me man - you couldn't even find any of the directions without me- you'd be walking in a circle - you'd be stuck man" Bahorel laughed over the phone at Feuilly's snarky comeback "Yeah yeah - you're like my compass man- always pointing me towards trouble - but what would I do without you?" Bahorel gave a chuckle and teased him "Don't know man - you'd probably die without me-" 

Bahorel snapped out of his recent memories and came to in the back breaking hospital chair in the E.R. waiting room Jehan curled around him like a blanket and everything from the past hours came flooding back, he blinked into the bright hospital lights and found that not everyone had fallen into a fitful sleep like he had - a bleary intensity was aimed at him through Julien Joly's eyes - Bahorel looked back at him "J-Joly?" Joly blinked at him then wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and sleeve "B-a-horel-" he whispered hoarsely feeling as if his throat had been constricted "You you need any-thing? Anything at all???" He sat up in the chair and focused his whole attention on Bahorel with the kind of care only Joly could show, the intensity in his green eyes was gone and he looked like he hadn't slept for many years - he stretched his stressed muscles and focused on Bahorel "F-" Bahorel watched him with a blank stare "F-eu-" Joly couldn't say his name - his quivering lips formed the name but he couldn't bring himself to say it - he bit his lip and looked at the linoleum tile on the floor before he took deep shaking breaths "F-Fee wanted me to te-l-l you - he he- it wasn't your fault! He wanted me to t-te--l-l you tha-t -" over the past months Joly and Feuilly had been steadily hanging out together more when Bahorel actually decided to buckle down and study or go to class - when Bahorel was gone it had been Joly that Feuilly had naturally gravitated towards and they'd started to hang out more - Bahorel could see that Joly was just as broken up - Bahorel shook his head tight lipped and trying to stop the tears - those salty badges of emotional truth - as F--Feuilly had once called them - he let the tears fall freely and shook his head at Joly who flopped into the seat beside Bahorel and gently wrapped his arms around the taller man - Joly clenched his fists and dug his nails into his palms to keep from breaking into a blubbering mess in front of Bahorel "H-H- F-ee wanted you to know that -- it wasn't your fault -" Bahorel took Joly into a tight hug and buried his face in Joly's shoulder "I - I highly doubt that it - wasn't my- faul-t-" Joly hiccuped softly and shook his head angrily jumping up and almost yelling with tears coursing down his red face "You think - you thi-nk Fee - you think Feuilly would think that? That you were responsible for wha-t happened??? You're more of an idiot than I already thought! If you cared anything about Feuilly you would not bl-blame yourself be-cau-se he wouldn't - he wouldn't want you to drown in your misery your fucking -" Joly never cursed - Bahorel's full attention was directed at him now "If you cared a damn about Feuilly you you wouldn't be sitting here drowning in your little fucking pity party! It was know-ones fault! Except except for those bastard sons of bitches that took him from us! They the-y -" Joly stumbled off angrily 

Bahorel was just about to follow Joly and yell at him and maybe punch him for saying that Bahorel didn't care about Feuilly - he - someone tugged tightly on his shirt -

A groggy Jehan sat up and held Bahorel close "Joly didn't mean any of what he said Baz - he knows you love-d F-Feuilly - we all did - he's just upset- he doesn't mean anything he said Baz- shhhhhh shhhhhhhhhh -" Jehan stroked Bahorel's hair and leaned Bahorel's head against his shoulder "I's okay Baz- it's okay -" Jehan kissed their boyfriend on his lips and held him tightly close as Bahorel started crying again "He he meant every word Jehan - meant every word -" 


	6. Alcohol and a Stolen Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Year and a Half Before the Protest/A Day after the Protest - Joly and Feuilly

"Hmmm - never noticed that before -" "Wha-t?" Francois Feuilly asked softly as Julien Joly's lanky form swayed before his grey and hazy eyes - a alcohol induced smile forming over his lips as he leaned closer over the anatomy book and bottle of half gone wine that he was sharing (Well - Joly had his own glass - couldn't be sure that Feuilly wasn't a carrier of dreaded cooties - or some - other disease) and looked over Joly's shoulder at the picture of a anatomically rendered heart - fascination took hold "What have you never noticed??? Jolllly Joly?" Joly turned to face him and smiled widely at him "You're fre- oh - that The heart can continue beating even when it’s disconnected from the body." he found himself leaning towards Feuilly and frowned through the haze of alcohol, how much had he had? Not Grantaire excess but two other bottles were littered beside them on the university library's desk "F-" Feuilly stopped him by planting a playful kiss on his lips and laughing before he quieted down and grinned "That is a very strange concept I've never noticed either - you were gonna say my freckles right? You've never noticed how many freckles I have? I think we've had enough alcohol-" Feuilly had muttered against Joly's lips and Joly had quickly pulled back and blanched then blushed "Oh - yes - yes-" Feuilly had smiled at him "So - we together now? We did just kiss you know - exchanged saliva and DNA and cooties" he'd stated teasingly while trying to look like Bahorel with the classic wiggle of the brows suggestively and Joly had just smiled weakly at him and laughed softly nervously "Don't fall in love with me my dear Feuilly - I'll only break your heart-" he'd teased back - strangely a little flirtatious because of the wine - that had been the only time something like that had ever happened between them - Joly had started dating Jehan and then Jehan had started dating Bahorel and they'd lost count after that - they'd never actually been a couple or anything- just friends who'd kissed under the influence of two and a half bottles of some cheap Merlot 

"Couldn't S-ace him- I couldn't -" Now he was in the hospital looking down at his friend's bleached white bluish face with those familiar eyes closed softly without a care in the world. Now the freckles were easier to see - like a map of the stars over over Feuilly's face and arms, he leaned down gently and kissed Feuilly's cold forehead "I do believe Fee that I was at least a little in love with you -" he clenched his jaw tight shut then remembered about Tetanus and clenched it a little less "Or at least I was in love with the idea of our friendship -" he wiped tears from his face and cried more "And now - now you're just gone and- Baz's really torn up man - he's messed up over it - and you're gone - you can't help him or hold him or anything- you just -" Combeferre entered as the Morgue door crept open and Joly turned slowly to his friend " 'Ferre?" Combeferre was almost completely oblivious of Joly until Joly spoke then he looked surprised "Oh - Joly -" his demeanour changed and he leaned against the door as he closed it "You you come to say goo-good-goodbye too? As I have-" he looked as if all restraint and care and everything Combeferre had been suddenly stolen from him and he sagged against the ice cold metal door bed coming to stand beside Joly "B-Bahorel was finally calmed down by Jehan - at least a little - if you wan-ted to know -" Joly nodded without speaking and stroked a gently shaking hand through Feuilly's red hair "He he wasn't scared 'Ferr-e wasn't scared -" Joly burst into tears "I couldn't couldn't save him - 'F-Ferre I couldn't save him!" and Combeferre - barely holding on himself - held him in a tight embrace and shook as he glanced over Joly's shaking shoulders to the young man's body on the morgue table - he stepped forward with effort, it seemed just moving was a effort now- and laid a soft sheet like a blanket over the wound in Feuilly's stomach that had caused his death - Combeferre stroked a finger over Feuilly's cold cheek and started uncontrollably shaking as he held Joly up and to stabilise himself as well "F-fuck - Feuilly - Fee - why? Why?" A sullen Courfeyrac was in the door and watching his boyfriend break down - it wasn't a regular sight and so Courf was stunned into immobility till he shook himself out of his shock and took control " 'Ferre - love - love come on - come on- you too Joly - you too - come on the both of you, let's get you both back upstairs, 'kay?" He knew Combeferre's history with Feuilly - they'd dated for two and a half years - they'd been friends first and then boyfriends then friends - it always left Courf who had dumped Montparnasse for Combeferre with a insecurity till the day Feuilly - dear dear Feuilly had asked him if it (it being Combeferre and Feuilly's continued friendship) was hurting Courfeyrac - Courf had grown a soft spot for Feuilly after that moment and they'd been like brothers after that "I -" Courf who was never lost for words was lost for words, he stammered out softly in a grave tone as he clutched Feuilly's hand with one of his own (the other simultaneously trying to hold up 'Ferre and Joly) "I need hel-p with Ba-hor-el?" Combeferre nodded - helping people was his job - it's what kept both Joly and him grounded - Courfeyrac helped a reluctant Combeferre out the door with a resilient Joly trailing behind. 

They made it upstairs without incident and met Bahorel and the silent others in the E.R. waiting room - Bahorel certainly didn't look like the Bahorel everyone knew- silent tear tracks were mapped out over his face and his hair was disheveled, he threw his arms around Joly as Joly appeared and just broke down while Joly somehow held him up and whispered apologies over and over again into his ear as the others hung around nervously and sadly watching with sad looks and tears coursing down their faces 


	7. I Wish I Could Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter on Combeferre and Feuilly's relationship - 
> 
> Two and a half years before the Protest/A long time ago/Aftermath of the Protest

I wish I could remember that first day,

First hour, first moment of your meeting me,

If bright or dim the season, it might be

Summer or Winter for aught I can say;

So unrecorded did it slip away,

So blind was I to see and to foresee,

So dull to mark the budding of my tree

That would not blossom yet for many a May.

If only I could recollect it, such

A day of days! I let it come and go

As traceless as a thaw of bygone snow;

It seemed to mean so little, meant so much;

If only now I could recall that touch,

First touch of hand in hand – Did one but know! -

\- I Wish I Could Remember- Christina Rossetti

 

"Hey - love - 'Fe-rr-e?" there was remorse in Courfeyrac's voice as he struggled to hold onto anything remotely remaining of his boyfriends calm personality as Combeferre leaned against him and buried his face and red rimmed eyes in his hands, Courfeyrac took those hands and knelt at Combeferre's feet looking up into the blank greaving face of his boyfriend "Love - 'Ferre? Come on let's go home baby? Come on 'Ferre let's- let's go home -" he glanced towards Bahorel and Jehan then looked away and back at Combeferre who shook his head softly looking sick "I - I think I'll sta-y - take another shift -" memories flooded back uninvited into Combeferre's turning mind - 

A twelve year old shivering boy with the wild red hair Combeferre would come to love, had stood there in the school playground with a slapdash careworn appearance (which he'd have in adulthood) and bruises on his lanky form and freckled face - Combeferre who had been a sturdy fifteen had gone over to see what was wrong- "Nothing -" the boy with the untrusting grey eyes had muttered and Combeferre had frowned at him and surveyed his face "You're lying but okay -" Combeferre had said with a bossy look to him - his Mother Hen complex rocketing into existence when he noticed the boys obvious bloody nose, he'd instantly gone digging in his med kit (which Joly and Combeferre had got into the habit of carrying around always - with this group you needed to - and well - Bossuet) he held out his left hand as he dug with the right into his med bag "Combeferre - it's nice to meet you -" the twelve year old had widened his grey eyes in surprise and stuttered out "F-eu- Feuilly -" Combeferre had smiled up at him from where he was kneeling "It's nice to meet you my new friend-" Feuilly had looked up at him with disbelief and awe "Friend!? Are you my friend?" He had tested the word out on his lips and had smiled- Combeferre had grinned right back and fixed his crooked glasses "Well of course you're my friend-" 

" 'Ferre? Love? Love? Come on back to us - 'Ferre?" A worried Courfeyrac blinked at his boyfriend as Joly checked Combeferre over with his medical expertise "He needs rest and we all need-" Joly couldn't finish and just glanced up at Bahorel "We all need rest-" Enjolras whispered hoarsely "Especially Bahorel - Jehan take Bahorel home and don't let him get out of bed for anything - understand?" Jehan nodded and held his larger boyfriend up "Co-me on Baz - let's let's go home-" Bahorel only nodded too blank and numb to say anything - while Combeferre held himself shakily up by Courfeyrac's shoulder - 

A teenaged Combeferre was passed out on the library desk - drooling a little onto his textbook as he slept - deprived of sleep he had finally been clutched by the need to finally fall asleep - but - he had to finish finals - some more work - he'd fallen asleep before he'd gotten halfway - the red head before a pair of shelves walked quickly over with a worried expression and set the pile of books down on the table before the sleeping blonde " 'Ferre? Combeferre? He-y -" Feuilly shook his head and smiled as he dropped his worn jacket gently over Combeferre's shoulders as he whispered softly and checked that Combeferre could breath and was breathing "Sleep well my friend -" and then he sat there for a moment as he pulled his paperwork over and took Combeferre's. 

When Combeferre woke up in the cold library and hardbacked chair (back cracking audibly) he saw Feuilly stretched in two separate chairs sleeping with his newsboy cap over his face and when Combeferre pulled his work over Combeferre found it to be done - the thesis and everything written for him in Feuilly's slanted handwriting - a small note in his textbook read 'Next time sleep when you can - you don't get enough sleep-' 

"Love? Babe? 'Ferre? Combeferre!?"  
Combeferre jolted out of the memory and stared into the blinding hospital light

"Hmmm?" Combeferre blinked and Courfeyrac held on tighter to his arm "Let's go home-"


	8. A Heart ❤️ That Beats Only For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bahorel and Jehan go home and are greeted by a empty house - Combeferre and Courf have a hard time- Grantaire helps Enjolras in believing that he was not the cause of Feuilly's death - Bossuet and Musichetta cry a lot - Marius and Cosette try taking care of the others - Joly says goodbye

Bahorel didn't get up the next day - he hadn't slept in his familiar and lumpy bed but instead had found his sore legs taking him down the dark hall to Feuilly's messy but terribly cozy room where he'd flopped down on the book covered broken mattress (broken mattress? Strange F-Fee hadn't mentioned it) he'd told a following and worried Jehan that he assured him that he was well and totally fine - his boyfriend crashed down beside him on the lopsided bed with the half on half off bedsheets "Love?" Bahorel hadn't made a sound though broad shoulders shook as he buried his tear splattered face in Feuilly's pillow- a pillow that smelled like home - he'd wrapped shaking arms around Jehan's waist and cuddled against his boyfriend securely as he hung in the haze of sleep that usually was like Grantaire's nights without Enjolras- 

Jehan had smothered a soft smile stained with the taste of salty tears as he nuzzled into his boyfriends neck and his roommates pillow and sheets "Mhmmm-" he curled closer and tugged Bahorel's arms more tightly around him "Smells like home-" Bahorel stifled a mixture of laughs and choking sobs "Smells like a Polish bar-" something fell over on the beat up nightstand sending Bahorel into instant awake protection mode "what the- oh- there's a half empty opened bottle of vodka on the side table- next to the lamp-" they both knew Feuilly liked vodka but they had never known that he kept a bottle in a inner cabinet in his closet or that he'd gotten drunk the night before to calm his nerves before the oncoming protest - they hadn't known he was afraid because he never let them see. 

The car pulled up at the large apartment building and Courf shut off the car and un-strapped his seatbelt with slightly shaky hands - he turned a sideways glance to his tight lipped boyfriend in the passenger seat beside him "Ok-ay- we - we should get you upstairs -" Combeferre just nodded and when Courfeyrac helped him out of the car and up the stairs while Combeferre leaned heavily on his smaller boyfriend - Combeferre was thankful to have Courf - 

"I's my fault- R - it's all my fault! It was my idea to protest this shit! We were there because of me and my pigheaded need to rebel! It's my fault! It's my fault Fee's dead- he's dead!" "Nah babe - babe!? Enj!!! Look at me!!!!? Babe! Look!!!? Fee - he - Fee knew what might happen - he was okay to follow your lead- he understood -" Grantaire held Enjolras as the tall blonde crumbled into his boyfriends side and his tender arms "I's okay Enji - i's okay- it's gonna be okay-"

Bossuet and Musichetta were crying and had been since they'd arrived at Marius and Cosette's posh apartment at 1:00, both holding each other up and falling down at the same time - they hadn't stopped crying the whole time they were there and both Marius and Cosette were getting worried and Marius - who hadn't slept much that night as other activities involving Cosette had kept him up- was getting annoyed "What the hell is going on here!!!?" Musichetta was the first to mutter out the whole story through choking sobs- it was Cosette that unscrambled the flood of words through the tears - she was left sputtering in a very uncharacteristic way then had explained to Marius- her ruffled annoyed Marius.

Julien Joly smoothed the creases from Francois Feuilly's snow white brow as he looked down blankly at the - Joly shook his head "You you can't be dead - Feuilly - you can't be gone- it's not possible -" he turned as a clatter at the door sounded- he froze then frowned- it was Mabuef the night janitor - he cleared his throat "Mabuef - wha - what - can I both-er you for the time?" The older man checked his watch nodding "Aghhh. About Five o'clock I believe -" the man's brows raised in shock when he noticed the body "Aghhh- the poor boy- you know- I always did like seeing him around here - the hospital - when he picked you up for lunch- those few times - you see he was very kind - such a good gentle kid- uch a shame - such a shame-" he muttered as he washed down the morgue floors in Carbolic acid solution with a broken mop and a tattered red rag while he fixed his torn coat- the older man mopped away out the door leaving Joly in company with the dead and his thoughts - he decided that leaving Feuilly here in the dark of the fading day was not a option - he slowly and gently lifted Feuilly's limp form (that was strange in and if itself - meaning that rigamortus had not set in - strange) he carried him bridal style with Feuilly's head resting against his collarbone and walked down the halls into hospital room 24601 - "Shhhhhhh -" he whispered to the shadows there as he lowered Feuilly into the hospital bed and curled beside him (this was strange at best- lying beside a a cor-pse with your arms curled around him) Joly pushed away rational thoughts and buried his face in the hollow of Feuilly's neck "Fee- I'm so sorry- so sorry - you you have no idea how sorry I am- I couldn't help you - couldn't save y- I couldn't -" he could feel Feuilly's freckles against his face - could feel his tears on Feuilly's skin, he could hear soft breathing- staggered and slow - but - "It's ju-st my mind- it's not real - he's-" there was the breathing again- "Bah-or-el- J-Jol-y?" A weak voice whispered, Joly instantly checked his vitals and called for help then when help arrived he only then called Bahorel's home phone but Bahorel didn't pick up- he then called Marius reluctantly as telephone conversations with Marius usually became tediously long "Come on come on man?" He stroked a hand through Feuilly's red curls and forced a smile onto his face as Feuilly's grey eyes stared hazily up at him and his chapped lips whispered "J-Jol-y?" Joly nodded softly and took Feuilly's bandaged up left hand - not trusting himself to really speak he spoke anyway, the words dripping with worry and fear - "H-hey F-ee-" then Feuilly was falling into sleep again and Joly feared he'd leave again "Don't you dare!? Wake up!? Stay with me!?"

A blank Marius was cradling a crying Enjolras when the phone rang "Everyone! It's Joly - Courf shut up! Please?" Marius shoved the phone to his ear "Hey Joly- what!? Speak slower- no- slower- yes that's good, slower- I can only get about two words max- god - you sound like you've seen a ghost- no of course not Joly - not a actual gh- Joly Joly man? Joly? Fee? Yes- he's dead- yes - yes Joly- we all kn- what! Oh! What!? Is he a a gh-ghost?" Marius's gaze landed on Bahorel in the far corner with Grantaire and Combeferre who for once was drinking - three tequila shots and a Moscow Mule sat emptied before him "Everyone! He's alive!!! Joly says- Feuilly's alive! Something about missing a pulse when he was- he was dead!? He's not- that doesn't make him a zombie!!!? Does it Joly!? Joly, I can feel you rolling your eyes at me through the line- Okay okay- we're driving to the hospital - okay- okay and you'll be there with him till we get there? Yeah- okay, bye-" Marius got off the line and sat there - shock writing itself over his face "Soooooo- Joly says Fee woke up asking for Baz-" Bahorel was passed out in the corner with Jehan in his lap and plenty of bottles in front of him emptied of their contents - he didn't hear Marius - didn't know until Grantaire and Combeferre with Courf's help had shoved him in the backseat of Courfeyrac's dinky little Dachshund - he was awfully quiet when the news was told to him - shocked and half awake he could only manage a small smile and a soft "I knew the ginger menace would be 'kay-" but as he said it he remembered how much he hadn't believed it- had been shown that he had been wrong - 


End file.
